As exciting as trying for a baby can be, keeping up the intimacy after kids arrive can be a challenge for any parent. Let’s face it, changing endless diapers, wiping spit up, and existing at the whims of an infant’s erratic sleep schedule aren’t activities that get most people in the mood for sex. Even parents of older kids can find that school and extracurricular schedules, plus the usual household tasks, cut into the time and energy left for intimacy. Still, healthy, mutually desired sex is good for your health, increases relationship satisfaction, and is a great stress reliever for busy parents. Read on for tips to re-energize your sex life no matter which stage of parenting you’re in.
- Redefine Foreplay
In the past, sex might’ve involved lengthy rendezvous with lots of foreplay, lingerie, toys,
and more. Now, you’re lucky to get an hour to unwind after the kids are in bed. That’s ok! From sexting to love notes in your partner’s lunch or playful looks during dinner, you can build up to the main event throughout the day instead of all at once.
- Embrace the Quickie
Marathon sex sessions may be few and far between, but that doesn’t mean the encounters you have can’t be satisfying. Make the time crunch part of the fun by seeing how quickly you can get one another aroused or being so eager for sex that you keep some clothing on (less to put on after the fact, too!).
- Make a Schedule
Spontaneity can make sex more exciting, but if weeks are passing between your sexcapades, a schedule can make all the difference. Carving out time on your calendar can increase the odds that sex happens, and also gives you and your partner something to look forward to. If you miss the sense of adventure that impromptu sex provides, mix things up in other ways–add a toy, change your location, or even put on a pair of sexy undies or a temporary tattoo for your partner to find.
- Keep Communicating
It’s easy to let the focus–and conversation–shift to all things children once you become a parent, but make sure you’re still talking sex with your partner! From checking in about the frequency and quality of your sex life to sharing a fantasy or new technique you want to try, discussing sex regularly can make sure what’s going on is working for everyone and give you new ideas for spicing things up. Apps like Pillow and Kindu, or board games like Intimacy or The Discovery Game can help you get the conversation started.
- Accept This Season
There are times when dry spells will be par for the course–after the birth of a child, when young children are in the picture, or during times of illness or stress, etc. Experiencing some sexless weeks or months doesn’t mean you’re destined for celibacy. This too shall pass, and sex-free times can be valuable opportunities to strengthen your emotional and non-sexual intimacy with your partner.
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